Have you ever thought about hesitation in music?  Sometimes, when playing a difficult piece, and coming up on a most difficult passage, I hesitate, throwing off the cadence/beat pattern of the piece.  That is certainly not good hesitation. 

But a music term called Timoroso is actually good hesitation.  The word means to play a section of a piece of music timidly or with hesitation. 

Years and years ago (26 years ago, to be exact), I was awarded a half ride scholarship to Bethany Lutheran College.  I was also offered a full ride scholarship…that is if I chose to do music as my major.   So why wasn’t I ecstatic to jump at this opportunity?  Why did I hesitate with this opportunity being offered to me. 

First, I had different career goals.  My goal when high school ended was to do pre-med and study to become a reflexologist.  Studying music in no way would have helped me achieve that goal.  Or so I thought.

Second, though I had been playing violin for 10 years, doing private lessons for 7 and playing with advanced orchestras like pit orchestra and continental league orchestra, I doubted my abilities to play at college level.

Third, I never saw being a professional musician as a viable full time job.  Rather, I saw it as a full time job that would require a lot of side gigs in order to make ends meet.  Whether I had become a professional symphony player, a private lesson instructor, a public school teacher, a performer, a hobbyist. 

I look back on those reasons and realize that I was a very unwise young adult.  If I had taken advantage of that half ride scholarship I could have had some help to pay for my studies.  Or if I had taken advantage of the full ride scholarship, I could have at least focused on my generals for at least the first two years with those two years being paid for. 

If I had shared with others my fears about inadequacy, I might have received some reassurance.  I didn’t even share it in my prayers with my Heavenly Father.  I’m sure he could have provided some reassurance.  And I should have remembered that in studying music at the college level, I would have continued to progress.  I didn’t need to be perfect at the beginning…or really ever. 

My financial concern about being a professional musician and it not being a way to make ends meet was based on my own knowledge and not based on talking with professional musicians, or even talking with my orchestra/band teacher. 

I missed out on opportunity and growth due to fears.  And due to not talking out my options and desires with others.   I hesitated.  And sometimes I feel like I still do the same thing, hesitate to jump in to something outside my comfort zone.  Hesitate to engage fully in a goal.  Hesitate to embrace the unknown. 

How do you not allow hesitation to stifle your opportunities?  How do you embrace timoroso …going for it even if in only a timid, hesitant manner?